Pre-meal, pre-snack, pre-whateverfood your given anxiety. It SUCKS and is an inevitable part of recovery because when food has become the enemy, knowing that you are about to embark on an irrationally upsetting situation, the 'anx pants' really set in!
I was inspired to write this post as I am currently hiding away in my room to avoid my family's typical 'world-war three' antic that is currently taking place down-stairs in preparation for dinner. We're having Thai green curry (which I actually do enjoy) however my dad is angry because he can't find the curry paste or the cornflour, so he is shouting at poor old gabs who is frantically searching through the cupboard to find it (which FYI finding ANYTHING in that tardis of a cupboard is IMPOSSIBLE) in a bid to prevent the shouting from escalating. Curry paste and corn flour found. Next drama: the pan for the rice hasn't been washed up *blame and frustration shifts to mother* who simply walks away from the situation and continues online shopping. Pan washed up, next drama, the recycling hasn't been sorted so Solomon is the next victim, who then fuels the shouting with his 'lazy back chatty response of " urrrhrhhhhghhghghhhh I'll do it in a minute". So the frustration shifts to my little sister Saskia in a loud, dictatorship tone "SASKIA. SET THE TABLE. NOW." followed by a trademark phrase of " Bloody dogs! Get out the way" and one final bellowing voice yells "TEEEEEEAAAAA TIIIIIIMMMMMEEE" to really get us all in the mood for a lovely meal (not). And people wonder why I have food issues...
Anyway, sorry for rambling, I realise that the story I just told reflects very badly on my dad and for that, daddy, I apologise, but I feel it shows just how much stress is involved around meals at my house even WITHOUT an eating disorder, so I'm sure you can see that my experiences of pre meal anxiety are not ones to be questioned!
Anxiety is a strange feeling, it is a feeling of worry, nervouseness or unease which starts in the brain and can show itself as physical symptoms such as feeling sick, shaking or raised heartbeat. When overcoming an ED the anticipation of lack of control can be COMPLETELY overwhelming! Especially as your brain is waaaay to undernourished to be able to deal with things like that. But NEVER FEAR! because this anxiety DOES get better, (i'm not even fully physically recovered yet and I can see a marked improvement) and it DOES get easier and 'riding that wave' of anxiety is the BEST way to overcome it!
Here are some tactics I used to help:
Gradually as I got through each meal I began to see that there really was not that much to feel anxious about. Food is the medicine not the enemy!
Anxiety is a strange feeling, it is a feeling of worry, nervouseness or unease which starts in the brain and can show itself as physical symptoms such as feeling sick, shaking or raised heartbeat. When overcoming an ED the anticipation of lack of control can be COMPLETELY overwhelming! Especially as your brain is waaaay to undernourished to be able to deal with things like that. But NEVER FEAR! because this anxiety DOES get better, (i'm not even fully physically recovered yet and I can see a marked improvement) and it DOES get easier and 'riding that wave' of anxiety is the BEST way to overcome it!
Here are some tactics I used to help:
- breathing exercises- Yep pre-meal is the PERFECT time for you to chill and pretend like you have your own TV yoga channel (obviously every ones dream come true). Not only will this relax that frantic little heart of yours but it will give your mind some time to chill out, get some oxygen to it and allow you to remind yourself of your recovery aims and REAL motivations!
- Talking to someone- With a malnourished brain and a persuasive disordered 'voice' consuming your thoughts about the meal you're about to have, it becomes INSANELY difficult to rationalise those faulty cognitions! So sometimes just sharing your thoughts and worries with others who might be able to help you to realise that you are in fact being irrational can be SO SO reassuring!
- Helping out-My issues around food meant that I felt I had to earn it! During recovery, exercise is basically forbidden and that for me was and still is the hardest part! So when I got anxious about the food, in the past I would find ways to be physically active, but a way to overcome this would be to make myself 'productive in a more beneficial way! Things like setting/clearing the table for everyone or getting drinks out for everyone, making the dining room have a calm atmosphere, washing up...etc. Not only did this help me, but (as you might see from the story above) my whole family. I felt like I had earned my right to sit and enjoy the meal!
- Blogging- Like I am doing right now ;) Yep, writing down or typing out your feelings and emotions and anxieties can really help to release the tension and calm you down! Not only writing a blog, but also READING them! There are SO SO many inspirational and motivational accounts out there that really helped me and it is just amazing to see how things truly do get better :')
- Grooming- showering, painting your nails whatever you do to make yourself feel fresh, squeaky clean and amaaaazing it will put you in a fabulous mindset and will occupy that brain from the food!
Gradually as I got through each meal I began to see that there really was not that much to feel anxious about. Food is the medicine not the enemy!